Old-Time Love

An excerpt from Jazz by Toni Morrison

It’s nice when grown people whisper to each other under the covers. Their ecstasy is more leaf-sigh than bray and the body is the vehicle, not the point. They reach, grown people, for something beyond, way beyond and way, way down underneath tissue. They are remembering while they whisper the carnival dolls they won and the Baltimore boats they never sailed on. The pears they let hang on the limb because if they plucked them, they would be gone from there and who else would see that ripeness if they took it away for themselves? How could anybody passing by see them and imagine for themselves what the flavor would be like? Breathing and murmuring under covers both of them have washed and hung out on the line, in a bed they chose together and kept together nevermind one leg was propped on a 1916 dictionary, and the mattress, curved like a preacher’s palm asking for witnesses in His name’s sake, enclosed them each and every night and muffled their whispering, old-time love. They are under the covers because they don’t have to look at themselves anymore; there is no stud’s eye, no chippie glance to undo them. They are inward toward the other, bound and joined by carnival dolls and the steamers that sailed from ports they never saw. That is what is beneath their undercover whispers.

My grandparents - who showed me what true old-time love is all about. My grandpa passed away a year ago this past weekend. Both my grandparents had Alzheimers - but the one thing they remembered was that they loved eachother. I remember watching my grandpa, in the nursing home, chasing after my grandma like a little boy, flirting with her every chance he got. They had two separate beds in the nursing home, but would fall asleep holding hands across the divide. And even when they couldn't remember their grandchildren's names, they could still sing "their" song to eachother - "I Love You Truly". Now that, that is old-time love.

More Lovely Words

Of all the ceremony readings I have stumbled upon, this is my absolute favorite. Enjoy.

Adapted from "Union" by Robert Fulghum
You have known each other for fifteen years, through the first glance of acquaintance to this moment of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of Yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks - all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will”- those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “ You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed- well, I meant it all, every word.” Look at one another – remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another -acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another during these years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this- is my husband, this- is my wife.

Lovely Words

I love words. I love readings, poems, essays, sayings, quotes, etc. I love things that grip your heart and inspire you when you read them. My fiance? He is a writer, and therefore perhaps too critical of words others have written. I'd love to have a reading at the ceremony, but it would have to be something that really "wowed" him. So until we find that, I'll pass along some beautiful words I have stumbled upon. This one is probably not exactly appropriate for a wedding reading, but I love it just the same. I found this one here. Enjoy.

"Gift From The Sea"by Anne Morrow Lindbergh (b.1906)

"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides."

Do you have any lovely words to share?

The Art of a Good Marriage

I absolutely love this as a ceremony reading...enjoy!

"The Art of a Good Marriage" by Wilferd Arlan Peterson

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the Art of Marriage: The little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ’I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry.It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for the things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.